"Shhhh....I'm an ISTJ. Don't tell."

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) practitioners will be the first to tell you that all personality types are created equal. There is no one best or worst personality type. And yet, even the most experienced type practitioners may admit that at times, they wish they had a different personality type. Do we just want what we don't have? Ladies, you will understand this analogy- if you have curly hair, what do you wish you had? Straight hair. If you have straight for, what do you spend hundreds of dollars trying to make your hair do? Be curly.

I don't genera

lly think there's a problem with type envy. When someone tells me they wish they were a different personality type, I typically begin by asking why. That discussion usually brings to light that the individual feels his/her blind spots are limiting. That's a wonderful thing to realize. While you can't change your type, you can certainly work to flex to other types more comfortably. So

instead of envying a type, try to emulate that type. Imagine what someone with that type would do in a given situation. Perhaps find someone to mentor you on that type.

Sometimes, though, we aren't so vocal about envying a type. Instead, we try to put on a mask or act out a character in order to manage others' perception of us. I've always thought of myself as being confident and secure in my type. Yet, this week I realized for the first time I desperately try to hide my J preferences.

One of my colleagues told me he believes I'm a closet ISTP, which fascinated me because my J preferences are extremely clear. Here are some examples that show my J-ness:

• If I haven't been to a location before, I drive there the day before so that I know what to expect. What will the traffic be like? Which side of the road is it on? What does the building look like? What if it's raining and I have to park far away?
• I have to be everywhere 15 minutes early or I panic.
• Meetings without agendas freak me out.
• Chit chat when something needs to be done annoys me
• If I decide at midnight that my room should be rearranged, then I have to do it right then. And if that means I need to run to a 24 hour store for supplies, then so be it.
• I have the same breakfast every single morning, and have the exact same routine every night before bed.
• I start projects when they are assigned, and prefer to have them done weeks before the deadline.

So, how is it possible I could be confused for a Perceiver? Because I lie. I lie.

In my mind, all of those extreme Judging behaviors seem a bit wacky to the "cool, relaxed, spontaneous P's." In my mind I've decided to make my outward persona look calm and unstructured. I'm like a duck. I only let others see me looking graceful above water, but beneath the water, my legs are kicking like crazy just trying to keep me afloat.

How did I get so mixed up? How did I, a type practitioner who believes in the value and equality of all types, become insecure in my type? Actually, the reality is that I'm not insecure in MY type. I like who I am. I like being an ISTJ. But, I worry that my cool, relaxed Perceiving colleagues won't enjoy my strong Judging behaviors.

But, the problem is that when I work so hard to cover up my natural J preferences, I give off the wrong cues to my coworkers. They may believe I truly do have Perceiving preferences and therefore change their behaviors to flex to my supposed P preferences.

Sir Walter Scott had it right when he said, "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."

When it comes to personality type, perhaps Shakespeare was more accurate- "To thine own self be true."